03/07/06 Hellbound: Hellraiser 2

Hellbound: Hellraiser 2 (1988), directed by Tony Randel

watched w/ Leslie; VHS (personal copy) @ home

So, I didn't catch the original masterpiece Hellraiser...but fortunately for me (the eager viewer) most of the beginning of this sequel is a re-hash flashback of it. In case we get lost as a collective audience on this high-brow cinematic epic, the plotline is laid before us like a shimmering Yellow Brick Road of gory intestines and bloody mattresses. Yes, Mensa member...this intellectual mind warp is the equivalent of Einstein slamming his head into a car door repeatedly, then giving us all a dissertation on cannibalism and bad acting. You probably remember this one from USA's "Up All Night" or something, but I wish it would have stayed there. There's a mental patient who's lived the Pinhead terror before, a magical labyrinth puzzle box, a skinless woman who comes back from the dead to reclaim a body, monsters kissing, and possibly the dumbest doctor ever. This film did teach me what a cenobite (in the movie, they're a sadistic demon) is though...look it up, a member of a convent or other religious community. Maybe the people who made this piece of crap were in the same cult. Sickos. Quite possibly the worst movie I'll watch this year.

1 out of 5 stars