08/29/06 Gigli

Gigli (2003), directed by Martin Brest

watched solo; DVD rental (Netflix) @ home; suggested by Jason

Widely panned as one of the worst movies to ever come across the big screen...I gotta say, I don't completely disagree with that sentiment. However, I have seen a lot worse in my time (hell, in this year alone for starters). Let's get through all the negatives right off the bat. Ben Affleck as a gangster with a thick New York accent? Yeah right, next thing you'll tell me is that he can co-write an Academy Award winning screenplay starring Robin Williams in a serious role! J-Lo as a lesbian gangster contorting herself in compromising yoga positions while waxing poetic on the female anatomy to Affleck? Yeah, and her butt is insured for millions too! Supporting actor Justin Bartha playing the mentally handicapped kidnap victim, or other supporting roles being wasted on such a film as the resplendent Al Pacino and Christopher Walken?! OK, well Pacino and Walken can really never do wrong...everyone has to pay the bills and feed their families, right? Anyway, all the character elements are here for a downright debacle in the making...and with little effort in the script, shooting style or acting, who's to say it wasn't just that? I think this thing was nominated for every Razzie Award in its year. Let's listen to the bad idea plot, which meant to teach us some moral lessons, but went about it in all the wrong ways. Lowly, inept gangster thug Gigli or Jiggly if you're nasty (Affleck) is assigned to kidnap the mentally challenged little brother Brian (Bartha) of a big-wig federal prosecutor in order to keep his mob boss from standing trial. Since he's always a screw-up in these kind of situations, Gigli's job is soon compromised by the arrival of fellow gangster hitwoman Ricki (J-Lo) who is brought in to help him not foul up the job. Of course, they hit it off like cats & dogs, having Gigli assert his chauvinist machismo over the tough-as-nails female power Ricki. Yes, it is true that at one point in the story (and a few times after that), Gigli refers to himself as the bull, and likens her to the cow. Yeah, real ladies' man here. They bicker, they grow on each other, they break down each other's tough shells to fall in hopelessly in love. Oh yeah, but there's still misinformed attempts to address social issues in the plot...say making fun of the mentally challenged, suicide attempts by scorned lesbian lovers, gratuitous violence by gangsters, sexual discrimination, and artistic censorship (that last one I threw in with the hope that some censorship would have been flexed on keeping this movie from happening). Whiy all this deep philosophizing by two less-than-talented actors, when all Brian wants to do is see the "Baywatch?" There are way too many corny and sappy moments thrown into this film, where it serves as nothing but a showcase to the now defunct Bennifer (Round 1) high-profile relationship...boring banter between the two stars. Hopefully in the end Gigli (gosh, what an awful name anyway...no one can pronounce it right!) will do the right thing and take Brian to the "Baywatch." Yeah, this movie is dumb, but even still...it's no "From Justin To Kelly"...and that ain't saying much.

2 out of 5 stars